I’ve just worked out something pretty important. I’m absolutely shit with background chat when in events.
A while ago, Ere paid for a hosted Ventrilo server. Since when, quite a few of us have been on it a fair bit. Even before that, some of us would use Skype for smaller stuff but even that grew to 10-12 people. And my stress levels grew.
I put it down to work stress, it has after all been pretty shitty. I put it down to some personal stress in the game but tonight I finally figured it out. Whilst events have always stressed me out, they have never stressed me out as much as they have done since we all started talking to each other. It’s not that I don’t want to communicate or chat, it’s just when I need to think, I need peace and quiet.
I used to occasionally run events whilst chatting to Niamh on the phone with little problem. But as soon as you get more than 1-2 other people talking, I can’t handle it. I find it really hard to filter out the background noise. People’s general banter becomes enormously irritating to me. I just want to tell them to STFU. I get so focused on the event I’m running that people joking/teasing/messing around just annoys the living crap outta me.
When events on Skype got too much, I would drop out. Occasionally I’d just call Rotx or Doyler so we could talk through what was happening and because they tended to be a lot more focused on the event and how it was going than others.
Today during Dynamis, I lost it. I completely lost it. I couldn’t handle the endless banter and bs whilst trying to set up a Dynamis Lord run. I snapped at Uneac who was just teasing and positively jumped down Rg’s throat. (We did very well for our first impromptu attempt, we’ll get him next time I think.)
I was talking to Nia after the run and began to realise, it’s the extra dimension of voice which is adding to the stress. As well as the tells, ls chat etc I’m getting endless questions and comments on Vent and I can’t think straight for the noise. Stuff, which during low stress events or general stuff in game doesn’t bother me at all, starts driving me nuts during big events.
When I had no form of voice chat, I’d occasionally ring Nia or Clevan up after an event and vent or celebrate but it was not in the same kind of league as the level of irritation I experience in Vent.
I was talking this through with Nia and realised, I’ve always been like this about noise. I used to sit chatting with him and need the tv turned down or preferably muted or I found it really intrusive. I can’t stand peeps at work being loud or chatty around me when I have something complex to work on. I always preferred to study in the silence of the library.
The harder I have to concentrate, the quieter I like it. FFXI without voice chat gives you distance. So I posted up that whilst I’m happy to chatter away outside important events, that during important events I’d be on another channel with only a couple of key people instrumental in making the event happen.
It’s so simple, I just didn’t realise what an impact the extra noise was having on my sanity. I should have, I’d even have to hang up on Nia when things in game got hectic. Hell I turn the radio off in my car when the weather is bad and I need to focus. Vent is great for bonding, for Salvage, for xp parties for bsing when you’re doing something low key. But add in any pressure to the event and I can’t deal with the noise.